Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person

Year of Yes: How to Dance it Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person (2015) is a memoir by television writer and producer Shonda Rhimes. The book recounts the life changes that Rhimes made in 2014 when she committed herself to saying “yes” to opportunities and invitations. In 2013, Rhimes was immersed in both a successful career and a busy life, parenting three daughters. An off-hand comment by her older sister complaining that Rhimes “never say[s] yes to anything” (11) took her by surprise, prompting her to take stock of her happiness. As Rhimes became honest with the ways she lived in a state of stress and unhappiness, she set out to radically change her life with the simple word “yes.”

Rhimes—a popular public figure—is best known for creating hit television shows such as Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, and How to Get Away with Murder. Her production company, Shondaland Media, also produces podcasts. Rhimes has received many awards and honors, including Time magazine’s 100 Most Influential People and an induction into the Television Academy’s Hall of Fame. An activist and supporter of the arts, Rhimes serves on several non-profit boards and founded The Rhimes Foundation—an organization that seeks to advance the arts, education, and activism (“About Shonda.” Shondaland Media).

Year of Yes was a New York Times bestseller and received rave reviews by publications such as The Washington Post and Los Angeles Daily News. In 2016, Simon and Shuster published a companion journal designed to help readers institute and track their own “year of yes.”

This guide references the 2016 paperback by Simon and Schuster.

Summary

The book opens with background information on the events that led to Rhimes’s decision to say “yes” to each opportunity that arises for one year. After her older sister chastises her for always turning down invitations and opportunities, Rhimes takes stock of her life. She admits that she is unhappy despite her hugely successful career and loving family. Rhimes assesses her inclination to say “no” to opportunities and uncovers that much of her unwillingness to have new experiences is couched in fear and insecurity. She decides that for one year, 2014, she will say “yes” to every opportunity that arises.

The first test arrives when Rhimes is invited to give the commencement address at her alma mater: Rhimes says “yes,” though public speaking is one of her greatest fears. A second test comes soon after when she is invited to be interviewed by Jimmy Kimmel on his live show. Rhimes finds a way to make the experience doable—because of her intense fear of appearing on live TV, Kimmel agrees to filming the interview instead. This special episode earns top ratings.

As the memoir unfolds, Rhimes organizes each of her “yes” moments around a specific value or lesson she wants to embrace. The Dartmouth commencement address forces her to present herself authentically. The event goes well because Rhimes shifts the focus off of herself and onto the goal of discovering how she might aid her audience through her words. Rhimes then addresses her decision to say “yes” to surrendering to the “Mommy War”—she learns to say “yes” to accepting that it is impossible for her to succeed at both her career and as a parent without help. With a skilled nanny, Rhimes learns that giving up her guilt about her inability to be a perfect parent allows her to become a much better one. Similarly, she uncovers the best way to support and love her children is to make time for them, deciding she will always say “yes” when one of her children asks her to play or wants her attention. Rhimes is pleased to discover that even spending 15-minute increments with her children makes her more joyful. Rhimes’s health also benefits from the “Year of Yes.” She is forced to address the ways that she has neglected her health and used food for stress relief. When she decides to say “yes” to a healthier life, Rhimes makes large-scale changes with the help of a doctor, leading to dramatic weight loss, which helps Rhimes feel more like her true self.

As Rhimes loses weight, she becomes aware of the way people notice her more than before. Rhimes, an introvert, is uncomfortable in the spotlight and in many social situations. The Year of Yes positions her as more outgoing in a way that feels genuine to her authentic self and results in her making meaningful connections with others in her professional field. As the year unfolds, Rhimes continues to receive awards and accolades for contributions to her field. She realizes that it is difficult for her—and for many other women—to accept praise and accolades without downplaying her own skills, talent, and hard work. Rhimes realizes that she has become adept at shrugging off praise and denying that she is worthy of compliments. The Year of Yes helps her change this, making her more confident and able to uplift others. Her newfound confidence, coupled with overcoming her fears of public speaking and embarrassing herself in front of her peers, brings more opportunities Rhimes’s way. She appears on an episode of “The Mindy Project”—a television show by actor Mindy Kaling.

Rhimes also addresses the importance of learning how to say “no.” She cites specific examples of when saying “no” to defend her beliefs and values was a wise choice. Specifically, this occurred when she, holding the minority opinion, disagreed with her colleagues about casting a specific actor for the role of “Cristina” in Grey’s Anatomy. This “no” (or a “yes” to following her instincts) led Rhimes to cast Sandra Oh in the role instead—Oh was a breakout star.

The Year of Yes involves culling habits that don’t serve Rhimes or others. As she learns more about herself and what truly makes her life rich and meaningful, Rhimes objectively assesses the people within her life. She identifies friends who are not contributing to her wellbeing. Ending her connections to these toxic people is difficult, but Rhimes does so to improve herself, thus allowing her to nurture those who have her best interest at heart. One of the most significant decisions Rhimes makes is to say “yes” to remaining single by ending a marriage engagement. She discusses the difficulty she had in making this decision. It proves a wise decision.

As the Year of Yes ends, Rhimes comes full circle, enjoying experiences at events that, one year prior, terrified her—including an interview with Oprah Winfrey and attendance at the annual Television Critics Association (TCA) conference. She successfully instituted major life changes that will sustain her well beyond the year.